Oh, you crochet? Screw you.

Knitting vs. Crochet

Am I just a bitter, jaded harpy or does the world hate crocheters? Because when I look at patterns for knitting vs. crochet, I can’t help but feel like the world is giving me the finger.

I get the fact that I’m loitering in the wrong demographic, and therefore I can’t really expect all of the material aimed at crocheters to be useful or relevant to me. I mean, if you’re a four foot tall granny and you want to join Hell’s Angels, go ahead, just don’t expect them to make any leather jackets in your size. Amiright? So, I’m a twentysomething who’s taken up a hobby normally dominated by crotchety old biddies who have nothing else to do but spend their pension on yarn, churn out baby hats and wait for death. So, I don’t really have any business complaining about anything.

But here’s the thing. I keep seeing things like this:

Lion Brand Yarn's Fair Isle iPad Sweater

That’s Lionbrand Yarn’s Knitted iPad Fair isle Tech Vest. Isn’t it clever and pretty and adorable??

Here’s their crochet offering.

Lion Brand Yarn Crochet iPad Cover
Aww! Isn’t it, uh, lame?

Ummm what?

What the hell?? And before you ask, this isn’t one isolated incident of one publisher releasing two patterns and making the knitting one a little cooler. I get this kind of knitting vs. crochet smackdown in my inbox Every. Damn. Week. My Lion Brand newsletters look like this:

12 New Patterns out this week! Knit yourself a delicate lacy hat, a trendy cabled scarf, or a cool entrelac afghan!! :D!!

Oh, and you crocheters? Here’s another cowl. Go hang yourselves with it. 

Same story, every time. Craft store shelves are lined with knitting books filled with gorgeous, on-fashion pieces and pretty accessories. Crochet pattern books are full of amigurumi and baby blankets. Well, if I make one more google-eyed crocheted toy I’m gonna puke, and my friends aren’t breeding fast enough to justify all these tiny pastel afghans. If you crochet, odds are you gave the hell up and just learned to write your own patterns a long time ago, like I did.

Why Do You Hate Us?

I have a hard enough time just getting people to acknowledge that crocheting is a thing. I once dated a boy for nine years, and not once did he ever use the word “crochet”.

“Hey, how’s your knitting coming?”

“Oh, you know, I’m still crocheting, as I was yesterday and will still be doing tomorrow, since that’s what I do, but yeah, it’s going great.”

“Cool.”

You know who else calls it my knitting? My mother. And she taught me to crochet.

I get that knitting is more popular and more widely practiced and that a great deal of our fabrics and textile manufacturing is still knitted. But I don’t know why. In my opinion and experience, crocheting is easier to learn, easier to master and much more versatile than knitting. You can teach a little kid to crochet. You can learn to change colors, direction and stitch pattern mid-row without ever wanting to kill yourself. Can you say the same about knitting? And, oh yeah, crocheting in a spiral is just as easy as crocheting rows, and doesn’t require any extra or different tools. Which is useful, since, ya know, humans tend to be roundish.

I actually did try to teach myself to knit, just to end the pain. It actually just brought a whole lot more pain. I am confident, quick and downright goddamn graceful with a hook in my hand. That’s not a word that can otherwise ever be applied to me. But as soon as you add another stick, everything goes to shit, fast.

knitting vs. crochet
This is what it looks like when I try to knit.

Come on, crocheters. It’s not like I’m the only one out here. Am I right, or am I right? Helloooo? Anybody?

Great.

Comments

9 Replies to “Oh, you crochet? Screw you.”

  1. Haha great post–now I understand why people say “knit vs crochet” as if there is a war going on.

    I think the problem is that advanced knitters like to think of it as little more than a knitting technique. It comes across as inefficient at best whenever it is not being used for things like lacework where it clearly IS superior and can easily become the basis for entire projects. But from what I can see, it is becoming more popular than knitting because of all its other advantages so we really do need more patterns!

    1. We REALLY do! Not to mention that crochet is much better for anything shaped or round, can you imagine trying to knit a stuffed toy? Possible, sure. Make me want to stab my own eyeballs with the knitting needles? Also yes. I keep finding that some of the best lace and doily patterns that I can find are European–Pinterest has some good ones, if you don’t mind Google translate and reading from a chart!

  2. So with you! I can knit and crochet but, don’t knit too often. It’s really much more of a pain.

    Because of the poor-availability-of-patterns issue, I’ve become quite good at making up a pattern as I go.

    Now, If I could only get better at writing them as I go.

    1. THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. And then when I do write them down, I go to read them again and think, “Did a weasel on Ritalin write this? Are these words? What does any of this mean?”

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